Names I will not name my children*

Sure, it’s a free country, but I think that some lines should be drawn when it comes to bestowing a moniker on a tiny little human that he/she will have to live with for the rest of his/her life.

For example:

No Name may be better than some names. Photo from Flickr photographer, NatalieMaynor.

Brutus: Et tu? Too Shakespearean; also implies impending doom.

Astrid: The woman rode “astrid” a donkey. You don’t name your kid that.

Anything that is or sounds like it could be a candy bar.

Shithead: Sounds pretty until you write it out.

Anything that is or sounds like it could be an insect.

Uranus: Sure it’s a planet, and if you pronounce it one way, it has an attractive ring to it. If you don’t, then your kid is bound to be an ass … or at least called one.

Ultimately, I have no beef with people with any of these names. How could I? It’s their parents who should be reprimanded and whipped with a wet noodle.

*This is all, of course, assuming I do give birth someday; definitely not a certainty since I’m not married and I’m way too selfish with my personal time.

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One thought on “Names I will not name my children*

  1. Hey Courtney!

    This is funny. There are definitely some crazy names out there. I met a kid named Talon Upthegrove. Seriously. And let’s not forget Gwyneth Paltrow’s kid, Apple. WTF??
    I had a friend who wanted to name her little girl “Kestrel.” I had to fill her in that it’s an aggressive, meat-ending bird.
    Astrid is some kinda weird-ass British name, I think? The other word you’re thinking of is “astride.” :)

    keep up the good work!
    Marty

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